Dear J. Crew’s Reese studded back-zip gladiator sandals,
You’ve been on my mind since the moment I laid eyes on you in J.Crew March 10. I’m in love with your nude, criss-crossing straps and eye-catching studs. We would look so good together.
I know that sandals of your caliber come at a price, and at $138, you’re way out of my league.
I have a proposition for you: Hitch a ride with a cute UPS guy and show up on my doorstep for a casual summer affair. Can’t wait to meet you.
P.S.- You’re a size 9, right? I knew we were perfect for each other.